Today an elderly man came into Costco and as he entered the building he stopped and asked me "so what's all this on your head, what it supposed to be?" I replied "this is a hijab." the elderly man then scrunched his face up and in a scruffy voice he replied " this has some religious condemnation to it then!" I replied "yes sir it does." the old man then replied with a scowl on his face " well then that's your problem, that's just your problem."

LOL I wasn't even shocked and told him "sir you have a wonderful shopping experience here at Costco today" with a huge smile on my face. *sigh* sometimes you just have to find the humor in other peoples intolerence.

I know some people are not interested in these types of updates on my interactions with the public. However it's only one part of my big journey. Nonetheless, it's an important part because this is what I was doing as a social experiment prior to converting to Islam and what I continue to do as a Muslim. Documenting the reactions and interactions with people in society regarding Muslims and Islam, which includes my family as well, is an interesting part of my journey. I am learning a lot about people and myself.

Hijab: Freedom or Oppression

In the west there are so many misconceptions about Muslims especially about Muslim

women and their way of dressing. The west views it as a mode of oppression, however, for  

 Muslims its modesty and freedom.

Actually, Hijab is an expression of modesty and freedom from the evil eyes of the opposite

gender.  As we know, in the modern world women have become the object of superficial beauty,

materialism, and sexism. Men treat women as a sex object. Men judge them based

upon their color, curves, and curls rather than their abilities, moral character, intellect,

etc. That results in low self-esteem and low self-worth. Every girl is trying to look as

beautiful as models and actresses (although they know that it’s all fake beauty that is a

result of computer editing and plastic surgeries) but still they are being controlled by the

media on what to wear and how to look (causing self-esteem problems). They have

been enslaved by the media and this is real oppression!!

On the other hand, Hijab gives freedom to woman by setting her free from the slavery of the

media. It provides woman with an opportunity to be judged by her intellect, moral

character and capabilities rather than superficial beauty and materialism. Hijab blesses

women with respect and dignity and provides freedom from evil eyes of the opposite

gender.

When a nun decides to commit to church and covers her head, she sacrifices her life

for the church, she cannot get married (though its nowhere in bible), she can’t have

children and grandchildren, she cannot enjoy the love and tranquility of a spouse ( itʼs

one of the basic needs of all living beings). This is oppression!!

While, when a Muslim woman decides to wear hijab, she can lead a normal life without

any oppression. So, the conclusion is that Hijab is definitely freedom not oppression!!

 

~By Hina Nadar~

What is hijab?

A Muslim woman’s modest way of dressing is called “Hijab”, it is an expression of

modesty. It not only includes covering head but also dressing modestly overall (i.e.

wearing loose clothing, not showing skin, not getting extra attention of the opposite gender or lowering gaze and guarding modesty). Hijab is not only for body (physical), but it also includes actions and behaviors. 

As it is in Holy Quran! “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is pure purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornments save to their own husband, or father, or husbands father, or their sons, or their husbands sons or their brothers, or their brothers sons, or sisters sons, or their women, or their servants, or male attendants who lack vigor, or children who know not of women’s nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn onto Allah together, O believers, in order that you may succeed.” (24, 30-31)

Hijab is an obligation as it was considered obligatory in other religions about a century ago (now modernism has invaded modesty). Muslim women tend to dress modestly as Virgin Mary (Peace be upon her) did, as nuns do today. Some Christians such as Amish women also cover their head, some

Jewish sects also require women to cover their head. Hinduism and Sikhism also have a tradition of head covering. In short, head covering or dressing modestly is nothing new but it has been a part of almost every faith or religion but modernism replaced it with time!!

~By Hina Nadar~

As a convert I am in a world between to others.

As a convert I am in a world between two others; Christianity and Islam. I am blessed to be apart of both worlds since my whole family is Christian and my new family is Muslim. I have spoke before of my love for Christianity as it is the foundation that moved me to Islam.

As a convert I am also subjected to the hate and extremism of both sides. A hate that controls people and drives them to say and do mean and evil things. As a convert I receive the type of messages I have copy and pasted below every once and a while from both sides of the fence.

Racism, bigotry, intolerance and pure hate are beliefs and behaviors that destroy a person and the people around them or the subject of their hate. I have always said intolerance is always offensive no matter who it comes from.

Bigotry: "1. stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bigotry)

Racism: "1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/racism)

Intolerance: "1. lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of different races or backgrounds, etc." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/intolerance)

Hate: "dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry."(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hate)

Anger: A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/anger)

Here are two of the latest inboxes I have received by two people. One is Christian and one is Muslim.

"Tracey Demchyna
OK nutball, I've tried to block you several times, and yet you post your B S on my timeline.... My GOD is CHRIST soooo GO TFA.. Otherwise I will continue to report you as spam. SHAME ON GAZA.. PRAISE ISRAEL"

"Sam Mas

ur country is a terrorist nation killing innocent muslims and ur also one of them coz ur defending and supporting them.
bye bye terrorist.
may Allah help open ur eyes and indeed AMERICA IS THE WORLD'S BIGGEST TERRORIST."

 

 

When you read the above messages you will find one or more of the five subjects listed above as well (racism, bigotry, hate, intolerance, anger)  above. Lots and lots of anger is apparent.

When this comes from people of a religious faith it is more disturbing to me because I know that if any religion is practiced correctly a person is loving and peaceful and respectful of other religions. However, it is very off putting and people like the two above can push people away from a religion. The first, "Tracey," also made negative, hostile comments on someone elses page in regards to his interracial marriage to his wife. The second person "Sam" is an angry extremist Muslim who hates America and calls us terrorists. I have never been mean to him but pointed out I am a proud American and what he said is offensive and untrue. I "unfriended" Sam due to his behavior and his extremism and that is when he became irate and left me a nasty message calling me a "terrorist" then he (laughing my ass off) blocked me.

They're not the first people I have come across of practicing faiths that have harassed me or left me nasty messages nor do I suppose they are the last. If you really want a taste of the mean and nasty bigots, racists and religious extremists go to Youtube, you will not be disappointed if you are looking for those types of people.

I usually brush it off and let it go when people contact me with such bull crap. I find it humorous and sad all at the same time. Humorous because I laugh at the patheticness of it all (which I learned to do after leaving my last ex and after the light just popped on one day, I thought "ohh ohh it was him not me" *laughing*) and sad that people allow such hate to tunnel vision and control them.


I can make my own drama in life I don't need others to add drama and chaos. I have found making positive and good choices in life lessens drama and chaos.


I have said it before and will say it again, I rarely ever conform to what others believe I should say and do. I rarely follow the popular path or the path of most people. If I want to get a tattoo I will get a tattoo. If I want to marry a non-Muslim I will marry a non-Muslim. If I want to dance and sing I will do it and if I want to wear jewelry on my hijab I will. I am proud to be American and I love my country and if another Muslim doesn't like it to frick frackin bad, I don't give a rats butt. I am proud to be Muslimah and will shout it from the mountain tops, if I want to post or talk about my religion I will! If I want to move to an Islamic country I will (definitely no plans of that but just an example), if I want have all Muslim friends I will (I have both Muslim and non-Muslim and I am proud), if I want to take a stance against injustices (as I often do) I will, if I want to marry a Muslim and have a Muslim wedding I will and if Christians don't like it (family or not) to frick frackin bad! I don't give a rats butt!!! What is between God and I is between God and I. Only God knows my intentions. I do not need baby sitters. Ok, enough of my soap box rant.


People who are so consumed with hate will most likely and eventually lash out at others who are the subject of their hate and I've apparently been the subject of their hate and lashings out. I say it once again, I have said it before and I will say it again, if people don't like it feel free to hit "unfriend" or let me be! Truly it makes no difference to me I have learned I can not consume other peoples anger or worry whether they love me or accept me or not. Of course rejection will always sting but it must be put in perspective. I have had family delete me or hardly talk to me or not talk to me at all or like my step father always have something condescending to say (he doesn't have another time to say something without me saying something back he will get a long awaited cussing out) and it really doesn't hurt me anymore to let them go.

In the end, people will be who they are and we can't let their negativity consume us.



 

Peace is everyones responsibility!!!!

The only way for peace to happen in this world is if we stop pointing fingers, hate and making anti-anything accusations and.....wait for it.....I know this is going to be shocking for many......behave peacefully ourselves and stop throwing fuel on the fire spreading the hate. Those who point fingers (calling it "the truth") and return hateful commentary are no better than those who are doing the hating.

So let’s promote peace for all (my inner hippie is coming out lol must have got that from my NON-MUSLIM parents) no matter who they are or where they come from. We should pray for everyone no matter what faith or non-faith they hold or what country they are from. We should not separate ourselves from others because when we do we're building a wall and flaming the fire.

A bully is a bully is a bully and hate is hate is hate no matter how you try to make it smell good, pretty it up or justify it. You can't spread hate about someone or a country then turn around and call it loyalty to a religion. That IS STILL hate NOT the "truth." No better than Israel bombing Palestine and calling it self-defense. It is the same thing. Hate is hate is hate.

NO MORE BULLYING OR HATE FROM ANYONE.

That is my commentary for the day.

The end.

You may resume to your regular programing!

My journey to Islam

When did I start my journey to Islam and why did I become Muslim? The reply to this question doesn't come with one answer.

There are many things in life that inspire us and make us emotional whether it is happy, sad or elated, angry, frustrated, motivated, loved etc....

For me nothing can make me swoon and become so emotional as my son makes me feel. My son is the very air I breath. He is an adult now but nonetheless he is my child and that bond will always be strong and unbreakable. One other thing that brings me such joy and happiness is Islam. I still struggle with the teachings at times but I know I have people to turn to when I need answers or explanations to the things I do not know or understand.

No other religion has affected me nor has any other religion put tears in my eyes and joy in my heart as Islam has. It is such a misunderstood religion and I wish people could see what I saw in it before my conversion and now after. I knew from a very young age I was drawn to women who wore a veil (hijab) but didn't know why. It was as if I was destined to find Islam and the second I put a scarf on I knew it would never come off. 

 

I truly respect Christianity as it is the very foundation of my religious experience, it was with Christian teachings that I was raised. However, as I have mentioned before in another post, I never felt the same connection with Christianity as I do with Islam. I never understood the trinity regardless of how many times I heard the story. I didn't know where I belonged in life. When I was young I didn't know Islam existed but I never lost faith that there was a higher power at work, a God, something, then for a long time I just gave up and thought Christianity was it and maybe only being spiritual was the other option. My parents nor family ever taught me about Islam nor did the churches we ever attended. Not that I recall anyway. The only teaching we were subjected to other than Christianity was when my Confirmation class leaders at the Lutheran church took us to a Synagogue to witness a Bar Mitzvah. That was it. I was taught that Christianity was the only way to get into heaven and Jesus was the son the father and the holy ghost. None of which ever in my life made sense but never to be questioned. In saying that, Christianity is a wonderful religion and I was blessed to have such a wonderful religious foundation that makes Islam that much more amazing to me.

When I was young I remember being fascinated with belly dancers, movies with scenes from the Middle East, in books and even seeing pictures of early Christians following Jesus who wore hijab. I was mesmerized and knew it was a good thing. I was never taught that is was bad either. When I was in the 6th grade we studied Greek and Egyptian Mythology. I love, love, loved learning about Egyptian pharaohs and queens and Greek Gods and Goddess. I felt so connected to the teachings of those times, the people and the countries. I still do. :) But alas, I still didn't know why at such a young age.

What was marriage to a man who was born Muslim like? Even though I had been married to a Muslim for many years we didn't talk about Islam nor did he teach me anything. He had expressed that he didn't practice Islam nor had he ever stepped foot in a Mosque. However, he was raised in an Islamic run country and culture. All I knew is that he was Muslim and that meant the Muslims portrayed by the media and hate mongers were not who my ex-husband and his family were. They were and still are wonderful people. I knew enough (and I still do) to be able to tell the difference between good and bad. I knew it was a familiar feeling living inside a middle-eastern home and very comforting to me.

It wasn't until I became a police officer and worked in a city just miles away from the largest Middle Eastern community in the United States did I become more aware of Islam and hijabi's. We all remember where we were when 9/11 happened and me included. I sat in the resting area of the women's locker room at the gym I belonged to and by the time I made it home both towers were coming down and Islamic terrorists had taken credit. Islam had come to the forefront of everyones attention and thus came all the hate, stereotypes, misinformation's and preconceived notions. To be honest that included myself as well. I have to admit I didn't understand modesty or Islam and was under the impression it was oppressive. I too received my Islamic and Muslim education via other people and the media. When 9/11 came to pass my perceptions of modesty, hijabi's and Islam were some how validated. Had I ever spoke to a Muslim about Islam, hijab or modesty? NO! Had I ever asked a Muslim questions? NO! My interactions with Muslims as a police officer were not positive, however, my interactions with most citizens were not positive but those few interactions further help shape my perception. I still did not take the initiative to ask questions as most people do not. In all fairness, my perception of all people while I was an officer was negative and skewed. It wasn't until I left police work that I began to repair my twisted view of the public and realized the majority of people are wonderful and not everyone was an asshole, criminal or suspect.

Once I left police work I was able to open my self up to people and living with my ex-boyfriend in west Detroit on the border of Dearborn enabled me to interact with many Muslims and I felt at home in a Middle Eastern community once again and the familiarity was very comforting. I remember doing my laundry at our local laundromat which was owned by Muslims. True to form my ex expected his clothing washed regardless of my health status so I sat in the laundromat with a terrible sinus infection which came with a fever and a migraine. The young Muslim man who was working behind the counter kept looking at me as he talked on the phone and then came over with several cold wet clothes and wrapped them around my neck and forehead. He said "why are you working when you are so sick?" My reply, "someone has to do it." I thought, "omg how very sweet" and as long as it took me to do my laundry he made sure the clothes stayed cold. I was reminded once again in life Muslims were not all what the media portrayed them to be and many people formed their opinions and beliefs off of misinformation and preconceived notions.

Now, lets discuss modesty because I was once the complete opposite of modest *snort/giggle*. I will not post the pictures but trust when I say everything was tight and the revealing of bare skin all over was a norm. For me, modesty is such a blessing and a wonderful comfort. First, of course because Allah asks me to cover and second because I feel much more beautiful and amazing!!!! People notice me for me, not for what I am *hehem/clears throat* displaying. For myself, (and I can only speak for me) that is such an extraordinary feeling. For people to be focused on me and not my boobs or my butt and thighs is a good thing. Their first impression is of just me.

Some people will automatically believe and say that hijabi's are oppressed women being forced to cover themselves and men treat them like possessions and beat them. I personally would have never converted to a religion that would oppress me, hold me back or be mistreated. I don't feel oppressed and at the end of the day it is my choice to cover. I do so because God has asked me to and because I have never felt more free in my life than I do now.

Lets look at the definition of modesty: (mod-es-ty) "Reserve or propriety in speech, dress or behavior."  (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/modesty) 

I like the above definition because it entails more than just "dress" because hijab is more than just about covering your body, its about how we project ourselves with character, the way we act/"behavior" and the way we talk to other people/"speech." Hijab and modesty is about all of those things. It is who we are.

Finally, in the past few years after I left my last boyfriend I became friends with a young lady who also converted. If I ever had questions she would answer them and she has always been so sweet and kind. I purchased a Qur'an in late 2010 or early 2011 and started reading it and it was last year that decided I needed to walk in the shoes of Muslim women, I needed to wear hijab. I decided that in January and didn't put on a scarf until March 18th. (yes I remember the exact date.) I knew I never wanted to take it off but alas, I worked security and didn't know if they would allow it. So every day I would wear the hijab to and from work and only took it off while I worked during the day. lol I worked security standing in a bank. It also took me a while to wear it to school. I started off slowly then it became an everyday thing and everywhere. I became more aware of my surroundings and peoples reactions to me. My senses were very heightened and I noticed most everything for a long time. The stares the whispers the facial expressions.....everything. Now I am oblivious to it and could care less. I still notice the outward and blatant mean looks, stares and actions from people but have found it easier and easier to just ignore them. My son has a hard time ignoring it and it irritates him, however, I tell him to ignore it because people are mostly curious and once I speak to them they will loosen up. (usually) I tell my son it is always good to remain calm, polite and very nice. People respond better to that behavior better and it leaves a lasting impression on them to what the majority of Muslims are like and supposed to be like.

My first visit with my friend who has a young 6 year old son and who is one of "thee" smartest young boys I have met was a memorable visit. Such a joyful and kind boy to be around. The visit was made more memorable when his mother asked him if he wanted to recite Ayat ul Kursi to me. I believe he was a bit shy so he whispered the words in Arabic in my ear.....

"Ayat ul Kursi

ALLAAHO LAA ELAAHA ILLAA HOWA, AL-HAYYUL QAYYOOMO, LAA TAAKHOZOHU SENATUWN WALAA NAWMUN,
LAHU MAA FIS SAMAAWAATE WA MAA FIL ARZE, MAN ZAL LAZE YASH-FA-O' I'NDAHU ILLAA BE-IZNEHI, YA'LAMO MAA BAYNA AYDEEHIM WA MAA KHALFAHUM, WA LAA YOHEETOONA BE SHAYIM MIN I'LMEHI ILLAA BEMAA SHAAA-A, WASE-A' KURSIYYOHUS SAMAAWAATE WAL ARZA, WA LAA YA-OODOHU HIFZOHOMAA, WA HOWAL A'LIYYUL A'ZEEM."

"Surah Al-Baqara
Allah! There is no God save Him, the Alive, the Eternal. Neither slumber nor sleep overtaketh Him. Unto Him belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth. Who is he that intercedeth with Him save by His leave? He knoweth that which is in front of them and that which is behind them, while they encompass nothing of His knowledge save what He will. His throne includeth the heavens and the earth, and He is never weary of preserving them. He is the Sublime, the Tremendous. (255)"  (http://www.duas.org/Misc/aayat_alkursi.html#Trans)

There is NOTHING and I mean there is NOTHING more sweet then a 6 year old reciting such a beautiful scripture in your ear.....again tears welling up. If you have never heard such a beautiful thing you have truly missing out. Just reading this scripture wells up such emotion in me and when I combine it with the memory of my first visit it makes it that much more sweet.

In addition, as I wore hijab everyday I started to listen to more Islamic teachings on Youtube by people like Yusuf Estes and the Youtube channel Islam on Demand. I started asking more questions and the more I asked the more learned and loved. Then came the day, I knew (eyes welling up with tears and I haven't even put them into words on this post yet) I knew it was time to take my Shahadah. I was speaking to my friend on the phone knowing I wanted to take my shahadah as soon as possible and didn't want to wait another moment, I just didn't know how or where which is why I called her. It was then she told me they (she and her husband could do it and yes I am now in tears and have a running nose because I am overwhelmed with such emotion) could do it in their home. I was already walking out the door dressed to drive over an hour away for my shahadah. I didn't tell anyone in my house, I just left. My friends husband (a wonderful Egyptian man) had left for his job and turned around to give me my shahada. Once they gave me a lesson on the 5 pillars of Islam and explained everything in detail so I would understand, we washed and prayed then I repeated the words with so much emotion that it was more of a whisper fighting to sound coherent and audible as tears streamed down my face and as my emotions overwhelmed me.

"ASH-HADU ANLA ELAHA ILLA-ALLAH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASUL-ALLAH".

In English: "I bear witness that there is no deity (none truly to be worshipped) but, Allah, and I bear witness that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah."

My friend never left my side once, she sat by my side for the lesson, prayed by my side and sat again by my side for my shahadah never leaving me, she is truly my sister and I am so thankful for her.

Never had Christianity made me so emotional, never had I felt so close to any religion as I had to Islam and to this day I can't think of that very moment without being brought to tears. All in all I have learned over the years you will find good and bad comes in all shapes and forms and from every race, religion, non-religion and ethnicity. I have learned that we're the example we set for all human beings and for the Muslim community.

So again, I ask, when did I start my journey to Islam? My answer is...........My whole life has been my journey and Islam has always been my destiny. I am Muslimah and I am proud!

Religious Law Chafes Christians and Muslims Alike | Womens eNews

Religious Law Chafes Christians and Muslims Alike | Womens eNews

Muslim American Women Tell Their Own Love Stories | Womens eNews

Muslim American Women Tell Their Own Love Stories | Womens eNews

My thoughts this month

Yesterday a man named Mohamed inboxed me on my facebook page and told me I was a good Muslim and thanked me for what I was doing. It came from a response I posted to OnIslam English ( This is the link to my comments Mohamed was inboxing me about: https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=531864653510253&set=a.160162380680484.35666.115203078509748&type=1&theater )

I feel that as a convert I have a different perspective on life and religions, as an American I have a different perspective on the issues within these religions. I am not a processional scholar nor do I know it all or do I think I am superior or America is superior to anyone or any country. What I do see from many Muslims is a contradiction of what they say their faith says and how they behave and what they say, especially about America and Americans. I see a lot of anti-American statements and feelings in the Muslim world from other countries pointing fingers and blaming America.

The comments you read in the link above are indicative of the ones I see a lot from Muslims from other countries and maybe some here in the U.S. I have seen other Muslims comment saying American Muslims are not real Muslims. These are the same comments I've heard from Christians about other Christians. Muslims pointing fingers at Christians, Christians pointing fingers at Muslims. Americans pointing fingers at the Middle East and Asia and the Middle East and Asia pointing fingers at America.

Am I the only one who thinks this is all ludicris? I am a great believer in taking a closer look into your own back yard and fixing the problems before pointing fingers, attacking and blaming others. One of the Muslims on the link above made the statement "u need to know ur faith there is no such thing as an extremist Muslim u believe or u don't." First this person is entitled to believe as they wish but this person is so very wrong in my opinion. Al-Qaeda has proven Muslim extremists exist and they have not been defending themselves, they have been attacking. Just ask Malala Yousafzi, a young activist, shot by the Taliban for speaking out and working for equality and education for young girls and women in Pakistan.


Christians will articulate (some in my own family will say this and not give Muslims the same respect ) that groups such as the Klu Klux Klan, Hutaree, The Convenant, The Sword, and the Arm of the Lord, Defensive Action, The Freemen Community, Lambs of Christ (and the list goes on) are not true Christians yet all these groups foundations are formed out of Christianity.

The truth (in my world) is that any religion when practiced the right way is peaceful and loving and accepting of other religions and respects the people who practice other religions even if it is not their own. When I took my Shahada my friends husband (a very kind Egyptian man) said we are to respect other people and their religions. We don't believe in their religion but respect their decision to practice it whether we think it is right or wrong. What he said was a no brainer for me since I already believed that as a Christian/spiritual believer before I converted.

The kind teachings from other Muslims is what I soak up and the love and respect I was taught growing up has been apart of my very foundation for what I live by today. My grandfather is a retired pastor and I grew up in a family of devout Christians who went to church every Sunday and sometimes on Wednesdays and then there was vacation bible school and "Confirmation" classes (much like Catholic Catechism). My very foundation and love and respect for religion and other religion comes from Christianity and how I was raised so all this hate and fear and disrespect for other people and religions is unacceptable to me. So when I see Muslims spread the same hateful beliefs as Christians and other religions (yes Christianity and Muslims are not the only ones to do this) I am not surprised but it is soooooooooooooooooo disheartening and mind blowing.

How is any peace to be reached with all this hate from all sides. Politics and the media just adds fuel to the fire to issues that have been alive for thousands of years. Ugh...

At the end of the day we can only hope to reach one (maybe) or two at a time with patience and love and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer just as I learned growing up.

By the way, this goes for hateful Atheists that spew hate as well....they will deny it just the same as Christians and Muslims and Hindu's and Jews (again the list goes on) but alas, hate is hate is hate is hate no matter how you slice and dice it. My father is Atheist, but he is so laid back and peaceful and one of the very reasons I believe in love and respect as I do. He is so accepting of me and my decisions and that is what touches my heart, his un-denying love. Everyone should have a daddy like I do. Everyone should have the family that I do. Although some of my family do not support me or understand they love me regardless and that is what is important.  

Todays Muslim Experience

Today's Muslim experience: Walking into TJMax as two young ladies walked behind me and past me to enter a different store.

As they (two 14-16 year old's) walked past me I heard one of the young ladies say to her friend in her lil hood rat ghetto tone (really to me to get my reaction) "I couldn't wear that Islamic shit, fuck Islam!"

Me: turned around at "I couldn't wear that Islamic shit" and looked at her as she finished her sentence. (Yes she looked me straight in the eye back) I curled my lips and smiled then winked at her. We continued to exchange stares as they disappeared out of sight and I continued to smile. All of 30 seconds....

smh...so disappointing that people teach their children to hate what they don't know about. Such is life they can keep that hate with them. :)

On a high note, when I went into the dollar store I was picking out some sugar and a young boy about 12 years old walked in front of me and said "excuse me mam" and my jaw just about hit the floor....from 0 to 60 just a short half hour. I young boy used his manners and smiled. Now the parent of that kid are raising him right. I told the cashier when I was checking out and she said he is always in the dollar store buying his mom and grandma something small but nice. Today he bought them snow globes. She said he is the sweetest kid. Amazing!

Struggles

Struggles come and go with me and Islam. Right now I do not pray as I should. No excuse just lazy but I am very aware of it and everyday I push myself. I dove head first into being all I could be as a Muslim and have found it still overwhelming. It is a complete change from what I once was. Its not a bad thing, just different.

I am still having a great experience working in Ann Arbor. If anyone doesn't like Muslims I wouldn't know it. I am always complimented on my scarves which some Muslims would say is haram to get a compliment because it means its drawing attention. My opinion on the matter is that being a hijabi and Muslim draws attention regardless of what I am wearing because what I am wearing makes me stand out.

I have found myself in debates with other Muslims but have discovered as with Christianity there are evangelicals, fundamentalists and of course extremists as well. Debating is a waste of time and I have deleted a few fb pages from my list. Maybe some have good intentions but at this point it is to over whelming and the messages are too inconsistent and I must chose whom I get my information from. I have a few people I keep close and haven't been to a Mosque yet. I have never been one to conform to another person or groups thought process and it holds true for Islam as well. I will study and read and come to my own conclusions on the lessons.

Most recently was the talk on the "camel hump" with all the quoting and the interpretations of the quotes I came to the conslusion that it is all up to intentions and that Allah will know at the end of our days.

I have found Ann Arbor has a large Muslim community and it is inspiring when I am greeted by another Muslim. It pushes me to get my books out to learn more Arabic. I have a website I can go to on my phone

My son and his work.

So not to long ago my son said one of the guys he works with made the following comment in regards to me being Muslim.

"she better not order any food from my station" and he and my son got into a verbal argument that ended nose to nose before it was broke up.

I went back into his work today to take him a few things and when I was there I was greeted by a waitress who took me back to see him. She introduced herself and was all smiles. A few minutes ago I received a text from my son which said a few waitresses saw me and thought I was his sister (My looking young enough to be his sister has haunted him since he was young lol but I love it) and thought it was cool his mom was Muslim. I know that made him feel good. Mash'Allah for every bad reaction there are four good reactions.

A new job

Well, I was hired at a Costco Warehouse a couple weeks ago and I am happy to have a job. It is not full time so I am afraid it will not pay my bills nor is it going to help me pay for a place to live. But starting over isn't easy.

However, last night a customer made my whole day and this is what happened.

So last night at work I was filling in at the door marking off reciepts as customers left and an older man in his 70's walks up to me and our conversation was as follows:

Man: "Are you Muslim?"

Me: "yes sir."
...

Man: "Well I will make you a deal, you pray for me and I will pray for you."

Me: "Deal"

Man: "Peace be upon you"

Me: "Walaykum Salam"

That totally made my day!

 

 

 

 

It is experiences like this that totally dispell the perception Muslims outside of the United States have let alone the ones that have a horrible experience living here. The majority of my experiences have been wonderful.

New job

Things are looking up. I got the confirmation call from Costco. I am officially an employee and I have my orientation this next weak. Yay....its a start! Its something different. Its not my what I am interested in as far as a career but it will be something to pay my bills for a while. I found that cashiering at Barnes and Noble isn't exactly interesting.

After two weeks I'm board but it is such a positive thing to have a job and I look forward to getting my own place once again. I can't wait.

Friday at work at Barnes and Noble

On Friday the 7th at Barnes and Noble I was cashiering when an elderly man walked up and said you must be really cold today. I replied no, I wear this every day no matter how hot or cold it is. He huffed and puffed. Snatched his money and walked off. He didn't reply back when I told him to have a nice day.

In saying that, when he said that to me I really wasn't paying attention to what he really meant by it. When I replied to him it was truly just reply to what I thought was an honest harmless comment by him. It wasn't until he huffed and puffed and snatched his money that I became suspicious of his intent and had the feeling he was being mean with a nasty attitude. It was nice outside, it was a warm day.

I relayed the incident to my two co-workers and they said he was being mean. I don't know, I didn't see his face when he said it and I really didn't make eye contact with him at all. He only bought a juice so the transaction was less than 45 seconds.

My heart says to not make anything more of it and not read into it if I am not sure. I don't like to think the worst of people even when my gut is confused.

Job

A while ago I struggled with whether to wear a hijab to job interviews but in the end I decided to wear my hijab and keep true to myself. Yesterday, I was given a conditional job offer pending a drug test, (I passed that) and a criminal history check. Insha' Allah they call me and confirm my orientation by the end of this week..

It is a bit far but Masha'allah I have good friends that will allow me to stay with them. I truly hope to move down that way very soon.

I have found throughout my journey (which is still very new to me) that most people are accepting and supportive. When I announced my hesitation to wear my hijab to a job interview it was my non-Muslim friends that encouraged me to wear my hijab and said it doesn't or shouldn't matter and to stay true to myself and my religion. Masha'Allah people are wonderful.

American Muslimah, what does that mean to me? At 44 years of age and having just converted I find that I am deep into my American culture. I know that in Islam women reach paradise easier with a husband but I am not married. Islam also says Muslim women must marry a Muslim man. I am not in love with a Muslim man. At 44 I will not be having any more children and I have discovered I do not need a man for anything. I am self-sufficeint and fiercely independant and that will not change. If I was in love with a Christian man before I decided to convert that would not change either. I was once Christian and married to a Muslim man so I know it can work out. (we did not split due to religious differences)

These things pass through my mind often. As I want to be a good Muslim woman but my independance and my own personal belief systems. As a woman that is a survivor of domestic violence.

Today’s Muslim Experience:

In light of all the scary hate crimes happening to people of different races, religions and sexual orientations, with all the bullying that happens causing so many to take their own lives making this world such an ugly place to live there comes a light from someone that brightens ones day.

I usually get questions from people such as, “do you wear that scarf because your husband makes you?” “Do you wear that because of your religion?” “Are you Muslim?” or “Oh, I love your scarf that is beautiful.”
...

When I see another Muslim we greet each other with As’Salamu ‘Alaikum or Salam. When I am in public I usually initiate the greeting with non-muslims wearing a huge smile and saying Hi, how are you today?

However, today was different while I was partaking in the great Kroger shopping experience minding my own business looking for some decaf tea (yup coffee and broke up and we are not getting back together). That is when I heard a very bold and intentional “Asalamu ‘Alaikum” as I looked up to see a young lady (about 18 or maybe 20) standing next to me with a smile on her face I replied “Wa ‘Alaikum Salam” with a huge grin on my face.

We ran across each other in a few more isles and even in check out. She was a very happy social young lady that has been the first non-Muslim to greet me with a Muslim greeting with such zest and love and acceptance outside of my friends and family.

Amazing how something so random and unexpected can make ones day and take away, even for the briefest of moments, the ugliness of the world we live in.

People never cease to amaze me in a good way

I live in an area with very few muslims and quite frankly I have not seen but a few here and there. The most I saw in one day was about four at a childrens even in Flint about three weeks ago and I was amazed. I thought I was alone up in these parts.

My perception of non-muslims is that they are against Islam and really know nothing about Islam. My experience online is different then seeing people in person.

Online: Experience on youtube alone is amazingly harsh. Many Atheists, Christians and racist bigots are finding courage from behind the keyboards and their attacks are calculating, malicous and horrifying. To think these people interact with the rest of society outside of the computer is terrifying and the actions of people like Wade Micheal Page who recently shot and killed 6 people at a Sikh Temple in Wisconsin. Belonging to a white supremiscist group and was discharged from the military for "patterns of misconduct" is all to common.

It really makes one question the good in people and lose faith in humanity and the good in people. Then it happens every now and then, someone says something that totally dispells the notion that all people are against or hate Islam.

As my sister and I shopped at Khols I let out a few huge yawns that grabbed the attention of a woman about 65 or older. She said you can't be yawning right now don't you have to go home and make dinner. I assumed she was talking about Ramadan and I replied, no I can't participate in Ramadan this year so we already ate. She laughed and said no I just meant dinner but isn't Ramadan kind of like our Lent? I said it is very similiar.

I just love it when people surprise me with an open mind and knowledge. So wonderful and makes me feel happy that people recognize what I already know. I struggle with understanding some of the teaching of the Qur'an but I did also with the Bible so it is no different. It doesn't mean I don't want to be Muslim, but it means I have to find the answer within.

So running into the haram police lately

I am finding that my beliefs and support of the gay community is not sitting well with other Muslims as it did not with many Christians.

At first it made me feel like I shouldn't follow any religion but I love Islam. I don't agree with every single piece of its doctrine but I believe Allah has a path for me and I am following it. If he wanted me to feel or think differently he would have guided me down a different path by now. I do not want to be guided by other Muslims because they are not God and I do not conform well to "the majority" mind set or beliefs. I do not follow the popular path and rarely the more traveled path.

I may not follow the path everyone else does but I follow the path God has laid out for me and that's what is important.

No word on interviews

Still no word on the interviews. Ugh, get myself so geeked up for nothing. I gave good interviews. If I could bring myself to not to wear hijab I would test it out but I don't like the felling of thinking about not wearing it. Not sure if it has anything to do with it but I can't rule it out.

Every day is a new day

Every day is a good day when you start with a prayer.

Mondays Interview with Hamtramk Police Department

I interviewed for the dispatch position on Monday and have yet to hear back from them or Detroits water and sewage department from the interview the previous week.

Oye....back to the application grind. Hoping to find something in Dearborn which is the largest Muslim community in the United States. Hopefully I will have luck there.

Today’s Muslim Experience:

In light of all the scary hate crimes happening to people of different races, religions and sexual orientations, with all the bullying that happens causing so many to take their own lives making this world such an ugly place to live there comes a light from someone that brightens ones day.

I usually get questions from people such as, “do you wear that scarf because your husband makes you?” “Do you wear that because of your religion?” “Are you Muslim?” or “Oh, I love your scarf that is beautiful.”
...

When I see another Muslim we greet each other with As’Salamu ‘Alaikum or Salam. When I am in public I usually initiate the greeting with non-muslims wearing a huge smile and saying Hi, how are you today?

However, today was different while I was partaking in the great Kroger shopping experience minding my own business looking for some decaf tea (yup coffee and broke up and we are not getting back together). That is when I heard a very bold and intentional “Asalamu ‘Alaikum” as I looked up to see a young lady (about 18 or maybe 20) standing next to me with a smile on her face I replied “Wa ‘Alaikum Salam” with a huge grin on my face.

We ran across each other in a few more isles and even in check out. She was a very happy social young lady that has been the first non-Muslim to greet me with a Muslim greeting with such zest and love and acceptance outside of my friends and family.

Amazing how something so random and unexpected can make ones day and take away, even for the briefest of moments, the ugliness of the world we live in.

New interview

What lady has an interview with a police department in Michigan on Monday? This one right here! yay!!!! So exited about this one in particular. I really want to keep in with criminal justice and I want to expand my horizons to other jobs and skills. Maybe I will be able to do both insha'Allah.

Pleas make dua's for me with this last two interviews.

Update on Tuesday (07/31/12) Interview

As I had posted previously, I had an interview on Tuesday for Detroit Water and Sewage. I decided to be loyal to myself and my beliefs and chose to wear my hijab. I left feeling good and thought the interview went well. I hope and pray to get a call back for the job.

Dinner at mothers

So my brother and sister-in-law were up from Texas last week. My sister-in-law has been up for the past two weeks and we enjoyed spending sometime together. She is a lovely, lovely woman and is raising my nephews so well. She is very sweet and so open minded. She just looked at me and said she I looked beautiful and was so happy I found something that makes me so happy.

My brother who arrived this past Saturday thinks differently. I love my brother, however, we have never been real close and we rarely talk. We really do not know each other and he really does not know me personally. It doesn't make me love him any less, however, it helps me not take his critical opinions and beliefs to heart when it comes to judging me.

My brother and sister-in-law were late for dinner because they had taken my young nephews to Greenfield Village in Dearborn. When they arrived he walked up and gave me a hug and said hi. He mentioned nothing about my hijab. However, as we were all sitting down outside having ate such a delicious dinner my mom prepared for us and basking in funny conversation, most everyone drinking many large glasses of wine (I don't drink but I enjoyed the fact they all became funnier as they consumed more wine lol) he looked across the patio table at me and said "What are you wearing?" I replied, "a hijab" and he asked "why?" and I replied "because I am Muslim and it is between God and I" and he asked "why?" and I replied "because that's the way it is" and he asked "why?" and I said because I like it!" He then asked "how do you expect to get a job looking like that?" I replied many Muslim women work in America and wear their hijab." and it ended. My stepfather who does not like me and never has then took that as his cue to chime in and take a stab at me, "yes but are you a practicing Muslim? Do you get your 5 prayers a day in?" I replied "I do pray, sometimes I pray only once a day, sometimes more. I am working on it." That ended the conversation...smh....I really do not care for my stepfather either but for my mother I do not say what I would really like to say to him which would probably get me banned from her home lol.

When it was time to leave my brother could barely bring himself to hug me good-bye and it really wasn't a hug at all. I just said, just accept me for who I am  and he replied "this isn't you" and he repeated it several times after I said yes it is me. As I said in the beginning, we rarely talked, maybe twice in the past 7 years. I love him and he is my brother but we don't know each other. We are and will always be family but our lives and beliefs are different.

I would accept my family and love them regardless of their choices, nor would I turn to them and tell them (out side of hurting themselves with drugs or being involved in domestic violence) they weren't who they are. It stings because he is my brother but at the same time it isn't all that painful because our personal relationship is distant and that really doesn't hurt me. It is what it is.

However, my sister-in-law left me so inspired and hopeful and happy. I just have a new found respect and love for her. She is wonderful with the boys and they are so well behaved and communicate at a level well beyond their years.

My brother is a very wonderful father. I had a chance to watch him interact with the boys when they were both upset and he did an excellent job. As parents they have proven that people do not need to spank or hit their kids in order to teach them to behave, to get along and to share and to be kind to others. Very well done! Kudos to both of them.

p.s. my stepfather is a whole conversation on its own and may deserve its own blog, however, I am not going to invest anytime or energy in detail or length on him as he is not deserving of such attention. If you have questions I will answer them but otherwise you may only get little spurts of info her an there and far in between. :)

Today a friend said they are facinated by what I am doing

Today a friend has told me he is fascinated by what I am doing. Meaning my conversion to Islam. I started this journey as a social study but it turned into much more. As I have said before it was always more and the social study was my excuse to start living the life I was always meant to live.

He is not the first to keep track of my journey, ask questions, and support me and it feels wonderful. This journey has mainly been uneventful and my only highs have been my own emotions and feelings on my journey. I have not worried about the lost friends or family because it is their own feelings and issues to deal with. I can make my own worries and troubles I don't need theirs. Other negativity comes from people I don't know on social sites like facebook and YouTube. I have come across some very racist bigoted people and even more Christian evangelical fundamentalist who are terrorists that just haven't taken a life yet. OMG....the evil people in this world that hide behind any religion is terrible.

Overall, this has been a positive move.

Interview Tuesday the 31st of July

I have an interview on the 31st. I have been laid off for the past year and a half. I am desperate for a job because my unemployment runs out very shortly. I know that many people have ill feelings towards Muslims and are afraid of Muslims so I fear I will not get this job because of it. I have been struggling with the decision to wear my hijab or to leave it home. I may not be good at practicing and being consistent with my prayers but my conviction is true to my very core. I know where my heart is. I do not want to live a lie at work and people will be suspicious if I show up to work wearing hijab, taking it off for work then putting it back on to go home. The only reason I shouldn't wear it if it is hazardous to my job.

I had at least three non-Muslims who support me tell me to be true to myself and my religion shouldn't matter to who hires me as long as I can do the job. It touched my heart the support they gave.

I still have two days to make my decision.

Every experience is just that, an experience. Not a big deal!

 Since I started wearing hijab and converted to Islam I have had many different reactions. As I have always said the reactions from people I know have been more pronounced than from strangers. However, there have been a few times when strangers have made their disgust or dislikes apparent. I compare such experiences with the ones previous to wearing hijab.

Most people just stare which is nothing unusual or discomforting. However today when I went into the local dollar store that I have been going to for the past three years I experienced something odd to me. The women who usually said hello just starred and as I walked down the isle to retrieve the item I was looking for I turned to see one of the workers at the end of the isle starring at me. She said nothing but was looking at me. I said hello and smiled as I walked past her and she said nothing. She walked back to where she was standing when I entered the store. lol...I find some of the experiences funny as to how blatant people are. That had never happened to me before so I am fully aware of the difference in reactions that I experienced prior.

As a part of my journey I also post a few things on facebook. Today someone thought I, and I quote,

 "I think you make to much out of this and maybe want to create some drama to get your point across!"

I assure you I do not have to lie or create drama around my experience. People are who they are and they feel the way they feel. 98% of my experience has been positive. 2% has been negative and the negative has mainly come from family and friends. I found the incident I described above to be rather humorous and decided to share. Aside for some racist keyboard warriors on my Youtube account who have said some blatantly malicious things and a few friends and family members this journey has been positive. I have learned that people who really don't know me take what I post differently then those who do. Sometimes I just need to chose how to say something more carefully.


Quite frankly I have had a wonderful experience during my journey and love my life.

Having a few days to think about it....Honestly, I have been treated better by strangers who have opened their hearts and their minds.

The more I think about it the more I digest my mothers reaction. I understand she is entitled to her beliefs and due to her Christian beliefs she is worried about me. She did attempt to help me shop for more froufrou girly clothes but is it too much to just be happy for me that I have found a faith that I connect too? The strain she shows is obvious and I am torn between understanding and being offended.

My whole life has been spent worrying about what others thought and trying to conform to others beliefs and what they like so I would not be rejected. I finally step out on my own and do something from my heart and for me and lol I feel somewhat rejected and....I can't find the word. Anyway, it is very off putting. To get caught up in your own beliefs that you think it is the only answer or way and feel you have to insult others with telling them "Jesus is going to visit them" with a tone that was insulting is insulting and sort of makes me mad. I was not brought up to think I was better then the next person so when did that all change?

I did not chose to be Christian, it was the only thing I was taught. It was the only thing that I thought I had an option to be. I wasn't given a choice to learn about other religions, to study or educate myself with them. I never connected with Christianity regardless of how much I tried to understand, believe and practice it. If truth be told I haven't been Christian for years. I tried to take my son to church but how could I make him go to church when I knew I wasn't fully on board with Christianity.

I never understood the "trinity" and I never understood how the bible could tell us there are no good spirits just demons and fortune telling and horoscopes that tell your future are evil yet Jesus was supposedly embodied after death by God and brought back to life and the bible is full of teachings of the future. It just doesn't make sense to me and never has.

For someone to sit and tell me about my religion and what is in the Qur'an yet has never read the Qur'an and relies on what they have heard someone else say about the Qur'an. Yet when I address it with them and give them the correct meaning or correct teaching they adamantly deny what I say and insist on believing the demonizing of the Qur'an. Its insulting as a 44 year old woman who has studied this for a long time before converting to be yelled at as if I was wrong when my mother was wrong. I don't care who it is or how old the person is. I don't care if it were my 87 year old grandfather or my 65 year old mother if your wrong your wrong and I will not just keep my mouth shut because you feel your older and I should respect what you say even though you are wrong. Not going to happen with me! I chose to follow Islam for a reason because it is the right religion. I feel they are being left behind with their choice of Christianity, however, I do not tell them they are wrong and if my mom points out the things she thinks she knows about the Qur'an I point out the same thing in the Bible and oh my God she gets so mad. NO NO NO...and she is offended. Well, don't tell me mine is wrong regardless if I try to tell you the correct meaning or teaching and not allow me the same respect to do the same.

Ugh....I pray to Allah this will pass. I will have more patience and continue to follow my path. I prayed to God to guide me in the right direction no matter what direction that was and he led me to the truth of Islam. I am happy. That is what matters. I have decided that I will not be attending the family reunion. As much as people tried to make me comfortable and not say anything about Islam I could feel the tension. Mom was more worried about what my grandfather and auntie would think (which made me more nervous) then saying so what, your my daughter and if your happy and found a faith that if for you then who cares. smh.....nope....couldn't get that. Every time I said something about wearing hijab and asked if my neck was covered I could feel her discontentment. Her whispers to my sister under her breath that I could hear. smh......My father who is atheist may not understand but he is supportive. If one more person tells me to worry about a grandparents reaction instead of saying "ya know what Tracie is happy and living a wonderful life happily and she found a faith that has led her to God and that is OK" I will just distance myself further until they decide to come around. I will continue to live a good life and hopefully they will see by example that it is the right one and just be happy for me. Honestly, I have been treated better by strangers who have opened their hearts and their minds. I was taught to love everyone and respect everyone and not to push my beliefs on them. Some of the same family that taught me that is not practicing that.

Masha'Allah they come around.

Vaca with my mom and sister

My mom asked my sister and I to drive with her to North Carolina from the 3rd to the 8th of July. This made me a bit nervous because this is the side of the family that are devout Christians. Even though my mom had not said anything about my converting she is not happy and will never understand because she has in her head what she "thinks" she already knows about Islam. She refuses to listen to any videos I have provided. Maybe she fears of learning the truth, that Islam is the only way or that low and behold Islam is the exact opposite of what she "thinks" already knows. My nervousness became more profound when my mom said my grandpa was "probably" already going to try to talk me out of Islam and that I was not to talk back to him because he is 87 years old.

Well the car ride started out tense because my mom tried telling me that Islam was wrong and I was wrong. I told her that I would have to believe in all the teachings of Christianity to believe that and I don't. I believe that the Bible is the word of God. I do not believe Jesus is his son nor that Jesus died on the cross. I believe Jesus is a great prophet and Mohamed is the last prophet. My mom said "I told you not to read the Qur'an" and with a bit of a over fundamentalist tone "Jesus is going to come visit you." These close minded views and pushy over and undertones of some Christians is a huge turn off for me and pushes me further away from those types of people. I love my mother, however, I can't tolerate that type of belief, attitude or way of communicating and passing judgment.

All though there was nothing said to me in North Carolina there was tension and I could feel it. If they have hopes of me reconverting they will be disappointed. I am and will always be Muslim. I love Allah and it is the only way for me! I dare say that it has always been that way because I have always felt a disconnect from Christianity; even as a child. I have never really understood Christianity in the way that it was taught and some of the teachings. i.e. trinity, son of God etc...

Even now I question, if in the bible there are no such thing as good spirits just evil then how is Jesus embodied by a spirit and brought back to life from death. In today's time we call someone who rises from the grave a zombie who eats the brains of humans. And for those who wake from death in a hospital or at home a medical miracle or its just plain simple they weren't really dead in the first place and their body needed a break and time to recover. Or the answer I like the best is that there is only one God! No trinity, no savior or son of Christ. Just plain and simple God. My relationship with God is my own. I love Allah! My mom wanted to argue my belief but alas it is not what I believe in. She argued about a religion she knows nothing about except what someone has filled her head with and refuses to believe what I had to say because it goes against her beliefs. That is fine and dandy but don't push your views and beliefs on me. I am not pushing mine on you or anyone else. That goes for any family, friend or persons I am acquainted with or do not know.


It was at my cousins house in North Carolina that I had a good laugh to myself at her husbands attempt to ruffle my feathers. We all arrived and were sitting in her beautiful back yard when her husband came out in a black t-shirt with the word "infidel" written on it in English and Arabic. Yes a not so subtle way of announcing ones disgust with Islam and a personal attack on me since he knew I was on my way to visit. I did not address it because I was not about to encourage or acknowledge his racist bigot statement and feed into his hate and contempt. However, I had a good laugh to myself at the patheticness of it all and at him!

During the trip I did not see one Muslim woman, at least not one wearing a hijab. Not until we reached the Ohio/Michigan border where we stopped to eat dinner. Again, my moms disgust and anger towards my beliefs released and she started in again with my views are wrong and she added her (misinformation) knowledge about the Qur'an and its teachings. She refused to believe me when I told her, her information was incorrect and yelled at me. smh.....that is the attitude and behavior of someone who lives in fear of the truth that goes against what they believe and are to afraid to and refuse to believe anything different then what they already have in their heads. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves from those people. Since this is my family I am talking about I will keep contact and love them but I will not put myself out there or go out of my way to prove myself in anyway.

I do have to say my sister (who I drive crazy at times...well ok all the time) supports me unconditionally. She is one of a few. My sister, son, niece, dad, and a few others in my family support me.
Sometimes we just have to get up and walk away from those who do not support us or who do nothing but focus on their hate and misinformation about other peoples religion, ethnicity or whatever beliefs they may have.

I am Muslim and I am proud!

North Carolina trip with mom and my sister

Taking a last minute trip to North Carolina with my mom and sister on Tuesday. I am excited and nervous. I am really looking forward to this trip but do not know what to expect. This is the side of the family who are devout Christians and I do not want to spend my time with my family in a huge debate over Christianity and Islam. I know that people fear what they don't understand and have never learned about. Hopefully I will be a good role model for who Muslims are and its nothing to fear. :)

I am not afraid of them trying to talk me out of being Muslim. I just don't know what to expect whether they will be accepting or full of fear and misunderstanding. I can't use the word hate because I have never known my family to hate anyone. We were brought up to love and respect everyone. I would not say my family is normally full of fear misjudgments but we are not perfect either. I haven't been around them since I converted but I have heard some statements that would make my concerns realistic which is no need to point out who they are or what it was. It is what it is but I still love them with all my heart.

I will be fine, Insha' Allah, Allah gives me the knowledge and strength to be the best and most positive example of Muslim I can be. Insha'Allah, Allah will help me find the words and answers. Insha' Allah they will not have any problems with me or my religion and just see the same ol' Tracie. :)

My Son

Masha'allah my son (24 years old) told me today that he is thinking about converting to Islam. Tears well up in my eyes. He said he has been listening to the videos I sent him and reading the book and he said it just makes more sense. Insha'allah he finds his way to Islam. It has to be his own research and his own dicission.

I originally gave him the video so he could understand what the religion was that I converted to. He has sense been looking for other videos and educating himself Subhan'Allah!

My son is very protective of me and always has been so it is no surprise that he is very aware of others who take notice of me. Bless him he is a very observant young man even as I am totally oblivious to the stares and frowns of others. I was proud because today when he noticed an elderly man starring at me while we ate he brought up the good things about both Christianity and Islam and their huge similiarities which was amazing since any other time he would have confronted the person. Today he was much more interested in engaging in good conversation on an excellant topic.

Islam has a lot of good to teach my son. I pray he finds his way.

Another family member deletes me

My cousin has deleted me from facebook. Although this is family I am not hurt. It is their choice. I make no apologies for who I am or what I believ in. Facebook is only a social site and I wouldn't have contact with this cousin outside of facebook. Regardless, they were not happy with my political statements or my religious changes and that is ok. I wish them much love and happiness. (((hugs))))

Christian harasses and attacks me on the social network Youtube.

 I have learned a lot about people, ones I know and don't know on my journey.

Peoples prejudices, hate and fears control them and it produces an ugly person and is rearing its ugly head more and more. Most times we just have to ignore them and walk away and other times we have to defend ourselves. Most people who know me know that I have a wee little bit of a mouth on me and I really have a teensy weensy problem holding back especially when someone does something stupid, ignorant or heinous. Just a little, not bad…… :/

So today (06/22/2012) a so called “Christian” man who had been attacking me for supporting Christian women who wear hijab (my comment was actually made when I was still a Christian and basically stated I loved wearing a hijab and support women who do.) Anyway, I received an inbox from this person who sent me a horrific video of a man who converted from Islam to Christianity being beheaded by Muslim extremists. So this fundamentalist extremist Christian sent me a video of Muslim extremists committing a truly heinous act. Smh…..What the? Are you kidding me? Huh….ok I got this…..

I took my hijab off for a brief moment and had a talk with him “Inksta style” and put my hijab back on.  (For those who don’t know, taking my hijab off is a metaphor, I didn’t do it literally) I bet he doesn’t send me another video or reply. BET!!! I wish a mutha f*$&@ would!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I am not posting this for anything more than documenting as a part of my journey. I know there are people out there like this, I know we should ignore this and I know I was going to get this type of reaction from people. However, it’s one thing to have an opinion or belief; it’s another to blatantly disrespect and attack me because of your misinformed, preconceived notions of fear and hate. I will bite back!!!!!!!! I really don’t care if your family, friend or stranger in this regard. We all know this all ready.

 Anyone who truly knows me knows I am no terrorist and have only love in my heart.Islam is a peaceful loving religion and I love my religion. I love Allah!!!! I like to think I get that from my upbringing and have that foundation to build off of.  I changed my faith not me, my culture or my Loyalty to my country.

I would share the inbox with the video he sent me but it is to graphic and henious and I do not support Muslim extremists or any extremists from any religion. 

Conversion

Conversion to Islam is not easy. Going from praying when I felt the need to, to 5 times a day is demanding and I am failing thus far. I am working on it, even if it is reciting the rakats and tashood but alas I need to work harder at it.

Do I think I made a mistake converting? NO! Not on your life. It feels right and I know I have done the right thing for myself. I notice small differences in myself. If someone scorned me before conversion I would pray karma would get them and punish them. Now I pray for them and I pray Allah guides them in the right direction.

Insh'allah, I will meet my own goals for prayer from now on.

Struggling with the fact that I am only supposed to marry a muslim man is a whole other ball of wax. I would prefer to stay single if I can't marry someone I love as opposed to "having" to marry within my religion. Do I feel oppressed about this issue? NO! Because at the end of the day I will be making my own decision for myself and pray Allah understands. I am still an American independant woman with American culture running through my viens. It is a bit of a tug of war but will take time. It it comes down to being forced to marry muslim (which isn't a bad thing) or marrying someone I love.....well what do you tink I will do. The future remains to be seen. I am Muslim and have only dated black men. (Not remotely attracted to white men) so there is comfort in knowing there are black muslim men out there for me to chose from. Hopefully at my age I will find one that matches my personality, thoughts and beliefs.

Was deleted yet again by another friend/ex-coworker

I don't know how long ago a former male police co-worker deleted me from face book but he did. This would be the same person who said I was strange for wearing the hijab and said my hijab is a symbol of women being oppressed and a symbol and reason American soldiers are being hurt and killed.

How do I feel about this? I feel no sadness or disappointed what-so-ever. This is someone who gave me hell when I first started at the police department, became one of my best friends and told me I turned out to be a very good officer and after I left the department nothing. He did defend me when it came to my dv situation and I appreciated that. Sometimes, people change as they evolve through life but that doesn't give anyone to mistreat and speak poorly to another person.

I think I have made many police officers mad because I have stood up and I am telling my experience as a police officer and the relationships with other officers and some of them are very negative and shine an inside light into the world of women in policing. Officers tend to not like people talking crap about officers or first responders period for several reasons. So I am sure that my blogging about our last conversation and the fact that I converted had something to do with it. Also that I hold a strong opinion about police behavior and actions that are uncalled for. Having been on both sides of the fence I have a well rounded view of the issue.

Anyway, no loss for me. I do not need that negativity in my life but I will pray for him and Insha'allah he stays well and blessed.

Even the smallest of compliments are a good sign and contact from intolerent people is annoying!

I live in an area where I do not see many Muslimah women in mid-Michigan. When I do we exchange hello's in the way of Asalama alaykum. I haven't had too many negative reactions by non-Muslims thus far. In the last few weeks I have had women tell me that my scarves are very pretty. Including today and it puts a smile on my face. My religion might not be theres but they are peaceful and accepting.

The negative contact I have had with people I do not know have been inboxes on social sites like Youtube where Christians attack me and Islam leaving long messages. Such as the one below:


"sorry i cant find the URL again i apologize for that, listen islam is not the solution im sure its given you a brand new identity and i bet its because you were either a slut or you were force fed christianity to much and you started despising either both or, your a traitor but, is your new faith faith or spite? you wont be the first person who was taught the wrong way, as christians we also live by our own free will and the more you emulate jesus the nicer person you are. people do that without prayer 5 times a day fasting and so on. if you enjoy putting your body through rigorous self righteousness dont starve yourself go climb a mountain, maybe you will see god or mohammed with his sword. the truth is you wear islam like a badge and you know its 'bullcrap' really as you say. i could sit here explaining how mohammed was a pedophile but it would be like talking to a brick wall wouldn't it. the thing is i don't want to know why you reverted but why you ignore the discrepancy's of filth and hypocrisy inside your sparkling brand new religion. how did this ignorance suddenly make you 'free'?

mohammed slayed africans, then prophesied 'slave rape' as booty which conveniently abrogates adultery. called them raisin heads.

he married a 6 year old and masturbated his penis between her thighs until he decided her hole was big enough when she was 9.

as a female why would you make exceptions for a religion which is clearly unequal and sexist? mohammed said he saw hell and it was mostly filled with women. how did that happen? did these women go to hell for confiding themselves into the kitchen? because they have no say and there testimony is 4 times less in an islamic court if they get raped? because if a woman cant prove she got raped then not only is she sentenced by the islamic court she also goes to hell, is that really the will of god?


listen christians believe jesus was the son of god all that requires is faith! ive said this a million times even if jesus isnt true the new testament is a great blueprint for mankind. if you dont believe make a comparison with western culture or islamic 7th century culture which they enforce, its a no brainer. the muslims those of satan may argue 'how can god be a man' in a nutshell you was sold on that rhetoric when you sold out and now your convinced by that one little thing. religion always requires faith its mandatory but you forgot something very very important which the muslims dont tell you and that is god can be whatever he wants even a man, allah even said this you can check. so what do you prefer? re-interpreting what type of message mohammed married a 6 year old means, then constantly lying what it means or play it safe with christianity?

if god gave you and you only the choice for mankind which person to resurrect you know would pick jesus so stop the 'bullcrap'. choosing islam could be the biggest mistake ever and if we do answer to god dont expect sympathy because you thought it was following the word of god and he will forgive you for it and open the gates, he wont. follow your heart for that is only the deeds of what is holy."

That was left in my inbox on Youtube by "LIVEREALFOOLED"



***It was obvious this person knows not one thing about Islam, the prophet or Allah outside of the media and hateful rants of bigots and I asked this person not to contact me again and he did with another long diseration. I have no hard feelings for someone like this but I have no time for ignorance either**

Mom and stepdad officially know about my conversion

I almost forgot to mention that on Saturday (May 27th 2012) my mom and step dad officially found out I'm Muslim. Went way better than I thought. My step dad always has a jab to make and most of the time he is joking but considering his bigoted character sometimes you have to really decipher if he is joking or not.

As I arrived stepping out of my vehicle in full hijab and covered from head to toe my step dad asked my sister "so, is she Muslim now?" My sister simply replied "yup." Then my mom made a statement to my sister sometime later that day as they both drove down the street to check on our beloved garage sale signs..."so your sister finally converted?" My sister simply said "yes."

Mind you, neither of them asked me about it all weekend but made comments here and there. I can only show by my character and behavior that Islam is good and being Muslim is a positive for me.

My step dad and I have never got along and quite frankly I never did like him and I know for a fact that he doesn't and never did like me. I will spare you the long drawn out story but lets just say I like dating outside of my race and he can not and never will accept it. Regardless, I forgive him for all the mean, nasty and hurtful things he has said and I pray God shows mercy on him.

My step dad and I actually got along fine and spoke to each other for the three days I was at the house helping with the garage sale. I love my mom dearly and always want her to be happy and want her to know I am happy and this is a good thing for me.

The scariest part is over and that was letting both sets of parents know I converted and it wasn't nearly close to being the over dramatized thing I expected, especially with their reactions that I expected. I don't ask my parents for permission to do anything and I felt it was my business, however, my sister urged me to tell them and I am glad she did. (well....she confirmed my moms and step dads suspicions *small quiet giggle*)

I am truly the black sheep of the family and have never followed family norms so my conversion shouldn't really come as a surprise to anyone. But hopefully they will be pleasantly surprised at how good Islam is and that its not what the media or some people portrays it to be.

The Beginning

Just beginning in Islam and it is a slow process. Not everything comes in one day as we may think it would. Slow and steady. Mistakes are a given but learning from them is essential.

Learning something new everyday and relearning something new everday

I have learned that people have these preconceived notions that are far off base and many refuse to believe that those beliefs are distorted and false. I am a great believer that you can't rationalize with irrational people who refuse to open their hearts and minds. They will have to take that up with God.

Saturday May 27th 2012 Yard Sale at my moms

We had a yard sale and on Saturday and retired soldier showed up and was buying my old rocking chair. My step dad jokingly said we have a bit of everything here, we even have a terrorist. The soldier looked at me and said that not all muslims are bad. I was thrilled that he validified that for my stepdad and my mom. Then he added his own muse by saying as long as she doesn't shoot at me we're fine lol......

Thank you for your service and fighting for our freedoms here in American and for the freedoms of others in other countries.