So my brother and sister-in-law were up from Texas last week. My sister-in-law has been up for the past two weeks and we enjoyed spending sometime together. She is a lovely, lovely woman and is raising my nephews so well. She is very sweet and so open minded. She just looked at me and said she I looked beautiful and was so happy I found something that makes me so happy.
My brother who arrived this past Saturday thinks differently. I love my brother, however, we have never been real close and we rarely talk. We really do not know each other and he really does not know me personally. It doesn't make me love him any less, however, it helps me not take his critical opinions and beliefs to heart when it comes to judging me.
My brother and sister-in-law were late for dinner because they had taken my young nephews to Greenfield Village in Dearborn. When they arrived he walked up and gave me a hug and said hi. He mentioned nothing about my hijab. However, as we were all sitting down outside having ate such a delicious dinner my mom prepared for us and basking in funny conversation, most everyone drinking many large glasses of wine (I don't drink but I enjoyed the fact they all became funnier as they consumed more wine lol) he looked across the patio table at me and said "What are you wearing?" I replied, "a hijab" and he asked "why?" and I replied "because I am Muslim and it is between God and I" and he asked "why?" and I replied "because that's the way it is" and he asked "why?" and I said because I like it!" He then asked "how do you expect to get a job looking like that?" I replied many Muslim women work in America and wear their hijab." and it ended. My stepfather who does not like me and never has then took that as his cue to chime in and take a stab at me, "yes but are you a practicing Muslim? Do you get your 5 prayers a day in?" I replied "I do pray, sometimes I pray only once a day, sometimes more. I am working on it." That ended the conversation...smh....I really do not care for my stepfather either but for my mother I do not say what I would really like to say to him which would probably get me banned from her home lol.
When it was time to leave my brother could barely bring himself to hug me good-bye and it really wasn't a hug at all. I just said, just accept me for who I am and he replied "this isn't you" and he repeated it several times after I said yes it is me. As I said in the beginning, we rarely talked, maybe twice in the past 7 years. I love him and he is my brother but we don't know each other. We are and will always be family but our lives and beliefs are different.
I would accept my family and love them regardless of their choices, nor would I turn to them and tell them (out side of hurting themselves with drugs or being involved in domestic violence) they weren't who they are. It stings because he is my brother but at the same time it isn't all that painful because our personal relationship is distant and that really doesn't hurt me. It is what it is.
However, my sister-in-law left me so inspired and hopeful and happy. I just have a new found respect and love for her. She is wonderful with the boys and they are so well behaved and communicate at a level well beyond their years.
My brother is a very wonderful father. I had a chance to watch him interact with the boys when they were both upset and he did an excellent job. As parents they have proven that people do not need to spank or hit their kids in order to teach them to behave, to get along and to share and to be kind to others. Very well done! Kudos to both of them.
p.s. my stepfather is a whole conversation on its own and may deserve its own blog, however, I am not going to invest anytime or energy in detail or length on him as he is not deserving of such attention. If you have questions I will answer them but otherwise you may only get little spurts of info her an there and far in between. :)
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